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Carolyn,
This is a cool post, I dig it. I think that marketing should enhance relationships, or remove any of the barriers hat may hinder fostering better relationships---and I think its even more important once a relationship has been created, to stay in touch, provide a narrative long term so people easily know where you are going, etc...in Walnut Grove, there was probably one store for goods in Laura's day---today, there would be 1000, all clamouring for attention, so marketing/messaging would be important!

This is one place in strategic planning where I get stuck; we set strategic goals to build membership by X%, which is fine and makes sense, but it doesn't do us much good if we aren't really looking at what our members love about their work/lives/association, and what their pain is, and then deliver more of the former and help on the latter--the great thing about Walnut Grove (although I admit its been a pretty long time since I've watched) was the interdependence of a small community---how do we become less dependent, and more interdependent with our members? What if they needed us as much as we need them?

I have heard this statement about Advertising before - as Hugh MacLeod says - Advertising is the cost of being boring - I don't think that Marketing is obsolete if you have great relationships - but it certainly makes it much, much easier. When you have a good relationship to begin with, you don't have to spend as much concentrated effort on building it - because you are doing it every day, little by little.

And of course if marketing fails and you have weak relationships, what do you have left? :O) I do feel as if the distinction being drawn at church might reflect the narrower (promotional) and less friendly/more numbers driven definitions of marketing.

I understand a natural bias toward organic relationship building but awareness building has to come from somewhere. Most accountants or other professionals, business owners & executives who have great relationships with our organizations won't aggressively contact others even when we create programs to facilitate that sort of activity. Most of us (if we're lucky) have a 1%-2% mindshare with our best members, far less with others. If we want to maintain or grow our membership/customer base, at some point we have to 'ask for the vote.'

We're always more effective if we understand the needs & motivations of our prospects so to me, getting to know prospects through the sales process of marketing research were always consistent with a view that marketing helps establish relationships with people 'outside the flock.'

Hi Brian, Cathi and Kevin, I've been at a conference and am just getting to reply to your posts. Thanks for the feedback. I like how Brian says marketing should enhance our relationships. I think that's key as we try to build trust. Sometimes we get caught up with making brochures, mailers, websites, member speeches, etc. "pretty" and forget about making a connection -- which I think leads to Cathi's quote about advertising. Yeah, it looks good, but is it really saying anything? Suddenly it's not pretty anymore and it becomes boring -- nothing stands out. (Hmm...Is that why the Miss America pageant ratings tanked? Too many pretty girls. Oops, tangent...)

Kevin has it right. It's all about "the more you know." With prospects it opens those first doors and with our most invested members it breeds retention.

Carolyn -- Great questions. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think people are hard wired to be influencers. Marketing is the soft science of influencing others. We all want to share what we like and find helpful. There is bad marketing, but at the same time there are also bad relationships.

Your post reminds me of a funny story. My pastor made a negative comment about marketing in a talk he did and then went on to do a very compelling announcement about an upcoming seminar he was recommending. Afterwards I told him that he marketed the seminar really well. He smiled.

Tony

Thanks! I reread my comment and realized I had an incomplete thought when I was distracted but then I returned to it and sent it anywa

Great discussion. Rather than there being a distinction between marketing and relationship building, I wonder if the distinction is really between marketing/relationship and selling. When I was an association executive, there were business partners with whom I could happily spend the whole day because they took the time to form a relationship with me while marketing their products. The emphasis was on getting to understanding my needs and how their products/services would help me. There were other types of business partners with whom I couldn't get off the phone fast enough because all they wanted to do was tell me how great they were and how their services/products would transform my life. Their agenda was selling, not service.

Now that I have my own coaching and consulting practice, I am very aware of this experience. I recently had a client tell me she hired me because I didn't "sell" to her; I just introduced myself and showed interest in her - like anybody would making a new friend.

I hate marketing, but I can make new friends :).

Cathy's August 4th post rings absolutely true. Relationship building is about taking the time to discover needs and areas of common interest. And marketing is about being able to express what it is you have to offer and the difference those offerings have made in the lives or livelihood of others. If you have done a good job in identifying the needs of the individual or company you are approaching, then the marketing becomes the validation that you can do what you say. It's the story and the proof, if it's done right.

As humans, we are nearly always marketing, so marketing can be seen as an integral part of relationships. But, there are different stages and types of marketing. It's important to recognize where you are in the relationship, lest the marketing and the relationship be out of synchronization.

For example, a person markets himself on a first date AND on a fifth anniversary ... but in totally different ways (one hopes). To the most well intentioned, marketing isn't merely transactional, and it can fail when people focus solely on closing the deal, in whatever terms that means at the time!

In the business world, we see how marketing helps to sustain relationships. Apple is a great example (and not a tired one - yet). I've been using Macs for nearly 20 years, so you could say I have a relationship with the computer, the brand, the company. Although I'm not constantly in a transactional mode, hearing about the company's latest developments and enjoying their quirky ads foster that relationship.

Relationships and marketing help us to coexist, whether in a personal atmosphere (your child gets a gold star for doing his homework) or in a professional situation (your realtor buys you a nice plant for your new home ... using a tiny piece of her commission). The most beneficial relationships are reciprocal, but they can't fully function without marketing.

Most cities have "best of" awards each year. If my favorite eco shop doesn't encourage me to vote for them, I may not even think about voting at all because it appears to have little direct impact upon me. But it may be crucial to the survival of the eco business to be mentioned in the winners list. Reaching out to me to ask for the vote, as Kevin mentioned, is a superb, if not critical, way to continue our relationship.