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This afternoon, I attended David Maxfield's session "Crucial Conversations: Communicating the Best Ideas When the Stakes are High." David reinforced that human beings are not physically designed for confrontation. What does that mean, you may ask? Well, physiologically, we are still similar to our ancestors from 10,000 years ago. When you faced a "predator," the two responses were "fight" or "flight." Now that we're facing "predators" across a conference room, our natural inclinations, when we feel "threatened," are still fight or flight. We may flee the situation, not protesting the conflict or not commenting on it, or me might lash out. David called it "silence or violence."

I think a lot of us are hesitant to protest when we feel a situation is the wrong direction for our associations or if we're being put in a position that may result in negative consequences. We're taught from an early age--don't complain, don't whine, please your elders, etc. But David said something that I've championed for a long time--festering resentment will ultimately only aggravate a situation to the point where the result is extremely negative. This could be anything from a shouting match to a failed project to the loss of staff. If something isn't sitting right with you, speak up. Just do it constructively, and anticipate others' concerns and stake in the situation. I know, easier said than done. Especially coming from me. You see, when David said that, according to studies, most people don't call out people who cut in front of them in line, I turned to my neighbors and said, "Oh, I sure do." (Here's a hint--never try cutting the line at the 17th & P CVS. My neighbors and I will eat you alive.) Assertiveness is not easy, and not everyone comes by it naturally. But I've been happier in my career and in other endeavors when I've been able to speak candidly. Professionally, graciously, and empathetically, but also candidly. It hasn't always been a positive experience--I've been told I have a "strong personality" and that I am "direct" (I usually take it as a compliment, but, trust me, in this case, it was a slam). And worse. Some people do not like being challenged ever, even in a solution oriented manner. But the best leaders and professionals accept it, and they welcome it.

This was a very good session--I felt very engaged. And I hope that those people in the room that might have been hesitant to approach uncomfortable situations in their personal lives now have the confidence to approach conflict constructively. However, I have to wonder if the "predators," aka the office bullies or the "jerks" (David's term) would be receptive to change. I think most of this is them not seeing how their actions might affect others. Ultimately, not all office "jerks" are mean-spirited. Some of them just have blinders on, and they need to be gently, but firmly reminded to remove them.

How do cheesesteaks factor into this post? This is my third ASAE & The Center Annual Meeting. It's become sort of a ritual for me to enter the exhibit hall and make a beeline to the Philadelphia CVB booth where I greet the staff, proclaim how much I love the city of my birth, and eat a bite sized cheesesteak. This year, I looked up and down the center aisle areas and couldn't find the Philly booth. I checked my exhibitor map, and they'd scaled down to a 10 x 10. And, no cheesesteaks, to boot. I admit to feeling a bit derailed, but if that's the worst thing that has happened to me today, I am clearly in a good place. Here's hoping the cheesesteaks make a return in Toronto . . .