Crucial Conversations
How are you at crucial conversations? You know--those situations in which you are involved with others, in which the outcomes and the relationships are at stake?
I was in one of these last week in Phoenix, where 16 of us came from various parts of the U.S. to attempt to settle and dispose of disputes between my parent organization and two of my subsidiary component organizations. You know the situation—it’s common in national and global associations. The meeting was important. The situation had a 15 year history, needed resolution, and all affected parts of the organization needed to move on to other, positive activities. We're all familiar with this type of situation.
Fortunately, and due entirely to the positive and constructive leadership of all 16 of us, we succeeded. It wasn’t easy, but it was important and we reached unanimous agreement on all major points. There were diverse opinions about everything, and fortunately, open minds on the important points. That evening we had a “victory reception and dinner”, complete with a signing of a Proclamation of Achievement and Appreciation by all participants. They say all’s well that ends well, and we made sure we ended very well, indeed.
There’s a great book that helps address crucial conversations. Coincidentally, it’s titled Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High. Authors are Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler, published in 2002 by McGraw Hill, and subsequently a New York Times bestseller.
Building from their research on the subject, the authors define these crucial conversations as those that “occur when there is a lot at stake, when emotions are strong, and when opinions differ”. The authors suggest the importance in such situations of having a clear sense of desired results (outcomes) as well as a clear sense of the desired relationships when the crucial conversations are concluded. This is not a situation in which one may want to do ones thinking out loud!
You can Goggle the book notes or buy the book (or both). You may be better prepared for your next crucial conversation. Good luck!
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Comments
Good recommendation, Virgil (and congratulations on the successful meeting!). In addition to Crucial Conversations, I would recommend my favorite book on the topic: Difficult Conversations (by Stone, Patton, and Heen). I did work with Stone and Heen in my previous life in the international conflict resolution field, and their book ranks as my favorite in the field.
Posted by: Jamie Notter | January 28, 2008 7:05 PM
I would also recommend an article by Jamie himself on the subject from Associations Now: "Who's In Charge," which focuses on how associations can tackle difficult conversations relating to power, decision making, and control. It's one of my favorite articles that we've published since I've been with the magazine.
(Virgil, I know you're familiar with the article, but I thought others reading this thread might not be ...)
Posted by: Lisa Junker | January 29, 2008 7:54 AM
I agree Lisa. I was so impressed with Jamie's article that I sent it to my full Board of Governors. Some even responded positively--meaning they actually read it. Thanks, Jamie!
Posted by: Virgil Carter | January 29, 2008 10:59 AM
I can also highly recommend Fierce Conversations, by Susan Scott. I heard her speak, then read her book. She is a dynamite speaker, and has written a terrific and thought provoking book. I found it helpful immediately.
Here is a link to her site so you can get an idea of what's in there.
Posted by: Roberta Gorman | January 31, 2008 1:45 PM